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Archive for January, 2007

this is a new yr… just me venting… 1/10/2007

January 10, 2007 Leave a comment

that’s it… i’ve cried my last cry… no longer will i spend my lunch crying over stress… i’m not going to get upset when i hear ‘how to save a life’ by the fray, i’m not going to cry because i get my paycheck and it’s gone 10 mins later and i’m still behind, i’m not going to cry when i get my paycheck and pray that i can cash it and withdraw all that’s in my account to pay for Nov 06 bills in Jan 07, i’m not going to leave the bank shaking because i was terrified they wouldn’t cash it because i took all my money out but semi-relieved they finally did, i’m not going to spend my freaking lunches running all the way to belton to cash my check and then to the place to western union it because the bill is so past due, then try to figure out how i’m going to eat, i’m not going to freak out thinking ‘how the hell am i going to do it’, i’m not going to wish for things i don’t have…

i’m going to make it thru.. i know it… i’m going to keep on going because i know eventually the bills will be caught up, i will be able to concentrate on me, i will be more focused on Tori & Josh, i will be able to date without worrying about spending money on dating,  i will buy clothes to get us up to speed with our needs, i will be able to utilize my stupid discount at DSW and take my availability down to the two days i should be working rather than the 24 hrs i’m putting in there along with my day job (40 hrs), i will be able to take the tax classes that i need in order to meet my professional goals, i will listen when my brother tells me my children need to be in extracurricular activities because finally i will be able to afford them and have time to get them there, i will finally stop hearing people criticize my wardrobe or shoe choice because the reason i wear what i do right now is simply it’s all i own (no, my heels are not comfortable after wearing them from 5:30 am to 10:00 pm, no one would be), i will do a good job at my day job and will not be so distracted, tired, irritable, unreliable, etc, i would buy the things i need to make my new house a home (we relocated from Orl without 75% of our stuff, so no i don’t have the stuff i need but i’m fully aware of what i need)…

this yr is going to be a better yr, i’m going to start fresh, i’m going to pull things up where they need to be, i’m going to be the mom i used to be… fun, energetic, always going somewhere exciting, i’m going to be a person of my word, i’m going to take the trips i’ve been talking about, i’m going to spend time the way i want to, i’m not going to worry about meeting mr right, i’m going to make the most of what i have at the time i have it, i’m going to make goals and devise a realistic plan to get there, i’m going to slow down, be more considerate, and listen… i’m really going to become a good listener, and stop interrupting (a very big feat for me), things will get better… this is a new yr… it has to get better from here…

 

11:20 AM

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Categories: myspace

i finally realized 1/2/2007

January 2, 2007 Leave a comment

(yes i stole this one too)

i finally realized… i must be undateable… i must just not being doing something right… i move too fast, i jump to quick, i want to be caught up in the moment, i want to snuggle and be superhappy with the one i’m with, i dont want to miss a thing or regret anything, so i move too fast…

i do what i want and i desperately want what i do… but i dont understand why it’s not good enough?  why is it that whoever i date is never mine… no, i dont date ppl that are taken at the time but i never end up with them to keep… i want to meet someone awesome… and since i think i’m awesome (which i know i am…)  why is it so difficult to make it work…

i probably need to slow things down, get things together for me.. but why is that so hard for me to justify that to myself…

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i posted this to someone else’s blog about ‘when is it the right time to say i love u’… i think it goes along the same lines.. .

i’m the chic who says it too often… the wrong time… any way that makes it the complete wrong thing…  timing is everything… i think i feel it in that blissful new relationship part, i feel it when i’m in the bedroom (with certain ppl), i feel it when i’m watching my significant other sleep, i feel it, i dream it, i say it.. i’d rather say it, feel it, think it… a million times the wrong way then to never say it and pass up an oppty to realize that the other person felt it too… our lives are like pictures… glimpses of time filled with moments that make us who we are… i’d prefer love be a part of that… :)

besides, i live my life with no regrets… i’d regret not saying i love you when i truly mean it… even if it’s unrequited…

11:52 PM

Categories: myspace
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