Home > my life > verge of a breakdown…

verge of a breakdown…

i might be a tad depressed… it’s crippling really… i have a ton of things to do… but i can’t… i just can’t… i’m stuck with good intentions… plenty of time… a ton of motivation but i’m nauseous…
nauseous because i’m just not capable of providing for my family… i have these wonderful children that mean so very much to me… and i want to do things with them and for them… and i can’t… i can’t even pay for lunch… i can’t do anything…
i have met this interesting guy who could be perfect for me but i can’t even pay for the gas to get to me to his house…
i have this business that i started… mk, but i can’t even get where i need to go to take care of the orders….
i have my true passion… my business… i have client work… and i can’t bring myself to take care of it… why??? because i’m stressed… i’m a month or so behind on rent and utilities… i’m a month behind on my car payt… i have ZERO food in our house… i’m out of student loan money…

i don’t at all feel like a failure… because i know in my heart things will come together but i’m just exhausted… i just don’t know how to keep doing things this way… i’m just finally really tired of it all. i’m tired of stressing money every single day… i’m really sick of it.. i’m sick of working two jobs… i’m sick of driving a piece of shit car because i didn’t have the financial backing to take the time to research and make a good decision… instead i rushed because i needed the transportation that day… and now i drive a piece of shit that i’m paying an enormous amount of money for…
i’m tired of pissing away loan money on classes that i don’t have the follow thru to make sure that i really take advantage and GET DONE! i’m just completely broken…
i need some guidance… but i’m not sure where to get it… i don’t really trust anyone… at all…

i’m letting down my one true friend because i don’t know how to tell her that i’m just completely depressed right now… and so broke… she couldn’t begin to understand the level of financial instability that i’m feeling… i’m absolutely nauseous… my car could be taken from me at any moment now… and what could i do about it??? nothing!

maybe this is what a breakdown feels like… could be…

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