Home > my life > gracious receiver… yeah, i can do that.

gracious receiver… yeah, i can do that.

my grandma always said… be a gracious receiver.  my uncle wanted to pay for my college… i wouldn’t accept.  knowing what i know now… i know i did the right thing.  it was a nice guesture but i fully appreciate what i’ve put into my unfinished education.  i’m mostly finished with my bachelor’s degree but i know where/why i fell short.  i appreciate the financial impact and toll it had on my family.  i did waste a little bit of funding from our government… but not without consequence. 

this week was extremely tough for me.  i finally admitted it.  i accepted that i finally reached the point that i could no longer go without assistance.  i called a food pantry.  the well finally ran dry.  i’m less than 30 days from my last rent payment and i actually ran short.  my next pay day is Fri but it’ll be Overland Park rent & car payment.  Again.  Almost there but not quite close enough.  i walked into the church to see how they could help.  they packed an amazing grocery cart for josh and i.  thank God!  i knew there was no way that we would make it through the week.  a nice old gentleman pushed the cart out to my car and gently helped me unload.  and i thought… this is what we’ve packed at Harvester’s.  am i really in that bad of shape?  i felt guilty for taking from someone worse off.  but in reality… we really truly needed the food.  it’s awful it’s embarrassing.  it makes me feel inadequate, like a failure.  but it’s true. we need it.  we took it.  we had to.

josh said, mom maybe you can volunteer here after we get in better shape.  he is exactly right.  i have a real passion for helping others in my community.  i’ve been helping at the shepard’s center of raytown for years but i can no longer meet the schedule needed to really help out.  this is exactly what i’ll do.  help others. work with the elderly… it’s perfect… besides, they helped me when i was completely my personal worst. 

i’ve definitely reached my personal worst but i’m thankful for all of the times that i’ve made it through.  it’s been hard and if these last less than 30 are the worst of it… i feel really great about where i’m headed.  i can handle this.  but i’ll definitely make some changes now that financially i can.  i’m going to live a little more that’s for sure.  life isn’t going to keep passing me by.  i’ve earned a reprieve. 

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