Posts Tagged ‘empty nester’

my steps to independence and freedom… okay that’s a lot to swallow… probably more like… where do i go from here?

February 13, 2013 Leave a comment

i was thinking… if i’m going to embark on this new journey called life without children at home… then maybe i should put some goals on a list… or maybe, maybe i should at least have some sort of direction…

here goes…

step 1 – move to Parkville to be closer to Atchison and back into my old rental at 6th & Main that i love… for me.
step 2 – plant a garden, vegetable & flowers
step 3 – become somewhat handy… nearly impossible!
step 4 – clear up debt issues; fresh start
amex/shawn/student loans/bankruptcy

things to accomplish…
– debt-free aside from car
– involved in my community
– volunteering regularly with organizations that i’m passionate about
– quality time with joshua
– church on the regular
– spending quality time with friends

career change? maybe… let’s just keep these bumping around like they have been… who knows where this nearly-empty-nester will end up. the avg person changes careers 3 times in their life… and i’ve been doing accounting for 15+ yrs… maybe one day… i won’t.
1. flight attendant
2. wedding planner
3. cafe business owner

a little exciting… a little scary… definitely completely new to me. who decides what i do on the daily? me… just me, that’s who. :/


empty-nester day #1 (more like the week in review)

February 6, 2013 Leave a comment

so, yesterday was a big day… i’m the girl in the empty house.  i’m not thrilled about it.  it’s not exactly where i want to be.  i’m not sure exactly how to handle all of this.

here’s what happened… this weekend, i finally decided yes, it’s time to get joshua to the boarding/college prep school.  he’s definitely not going to get what he needs from me.  it’s depressing.  i feel like a failure.  how can i, me??? not be the best thing for my son right now?  i’m just not reaching him.  it’s out of my control.  it’s joshua.  he’s just not listening.  he’s a good kid.  he just doesn’t get it.  no matter what anyone says… he isn’t going to do the right thing under my supervision.  period.  it’s not going to happen.  i’ve tried everything.  so, on the brink of losing my job, i’m relinquishing all control to a school.  this is scary.  i hope it works.  i hope that i look back on this experience and think… yes!  he did it.  i knew he could.  he just needed another avenue.  another step that i wasn’t able to provide.  structure with close supervision. 

where does this leave me? alone. sad. feeling unfit. i’ll rise above this.  i know i will.  for now, i’ll just be as positive as i can be.  i’ll workout to exhaust myself so that at the end of the day, i actually want to sleep… and maybe i’ll even be sort of ‘in shape’.  i’ll spend time with tori while she’s under my roof again.  i’ll take runs with lily in the evening.  i guess i’ll take roxy too.  i’ll fill up the weekdays with working out, cooking, and family until the weekend.  then i’ll visit. i’ll visit my lil boo.  whom i miss so very much.  who really isn’t so little anymore.  i’m excited to see him blossom into a man and hopefully my gentleman training will have helped a little. 

i will grow a garden. that will be my project… a beautiful flower garden and vegetable garden that i’ve always wanted.

i will travel to see my family who will hold me together while i am broken.  travel to all of our spots, chicago, LA, little rock, etc. i’ll be visiting the people who care about me unconditionally.  i’ll be putting my mind at ease and piecing together the brokenness that i feel from an empty home. i wonder if there is anyone that is going through the same thing as me. is there one single person whose gone down this path.  i wish i could see into the future.  see myself put back together.  see a me that i’m proud of.  see my son grown and successful in whatever that may look like for him.

maybe i’ll foster parent or at least look into it.  i want to have children around me.  a friend suggested PTA but i don’t know if that’s what i’m looking for.  maybe in Aug, i’ll volunteer at CASA again.  maybe i’ll volunteer at Big Brother/Big Sister. 

i’m sure that i’ll get more comfortable with this whole situation soon… hopefully.

Categories: my life Tags: , ,

i envision this… is how my life could be 2013

December 8, 2012 Leave a comment

here i am… on the brink of discovery.  the brink of a new year.  better financial positioning.  smaller family at home.  more freedom.  more options.

i’m going to live small.  eliminate payments.  let go of the debt that i accumulated in all of the years of my struggle.  i want to be free of all of this.  bankruptcy… it’s not an easy choice but it’s my next move.  i have to.

this is what i look forward to enjoying this yr:

a trip a month.

a hobby. travel. dance lessons. trip(s) abroad. more devoted in my faith, involved in the salvation army. getting josh on track with athletic activities. savings setup (goal: 10k).

places on my list this yr:

Colorado Springs, CO, visit Amanda… maybe (spring)

Phoenix, AZ, visit Adrian (spring)

Atlanta, GA, visit Jillian (spring)

Los Angeles,CA, visit stepdad (summer)

Brodheadsville, PA, visit Christopher’s family (summer)

Canada, bf’s family annual trip (summer)

Dallas, TX, visit Tim & family (fall)

Jacksonville, AR, visit grandma & Beth/Vince (fall)

Lombard, IL, visit aunt & uncle/fave cousin (winter)

i want to take salsa & swing dancing lessons. i want to go on foodspotting trips.  i want to go on winery tours.  i want to visit my friend Dave in Toronto.

my key words this year are: stay.  stay in this shitty city that i hate because it’s best for Josh. explore.  do what i want for myself.  for once, i’ll enjoy some selfish wants. volunteer.  do for others.  i love it. i need it.  i used to make it a priority.

live better.  love easier.  grow farther.

things i want to do… and places i’d like to visit

things i want to do… and places i’d like to visit… to be revised regularly… :)

  • skydive
  • parasail
  • cooking classes
  • hiking excursions
  • mark up a map of all the places i’ve been, places to visit, abroad travels that i’d like
  • wine club membership
  • visit big name wineries in CA or other well-known places
  • explore the mountains
  • visit the 7 wonders
  • grand canyon
  • niagra falls
  • learn spanish and french (again) to speak fluently so i can travel abroad without worry
  • invest in a timeshare (maybe disney vacation club)

i’ll think of more later… time to get my work on…

things that i like to do…

things that i like to do… to be revised regularly.

  1. movies, i like to watch movies… a lot
  2. walk, i love long walks… beach or no beach
  3. bowling, i love stupid bowling.  one of my fave pasttimes with kelly was our bowling nights with friends.
  4. dance my face off, i’m a lil out of practice but i LOVE dancing nights.  i can’t get enough.
  5. traveling, i’m a travel fanatic.  i will travel more this year.  i love it!  once a month is going to happen for me.
  6. listening to music, with him or without. but i’ve grown quite fond of our siriusly Sinatra in the background while he cooks for/with me.
  7. coffee dates
  8. wine tastings, i’m not a connoisseur but i love wine… and trying new things.
  9. theatre in the park, i love a good play with family and friends
  10. hiking, i love exploring our country… maybe i’ll expand that to abroad once i get my feet wet seeing more of our country.
  11. outdoor adventure, i’m up for anything.
  12. running/jogging, once i get on my feet financially, i’ll be participating in 5Ks on a regular basis.
  13. bicycling, i haven’t started because i can never justify buying a bike… but soon i will.
  14. networking, as much as it wasn’t easy at first, i’ve grown to really appreciate networking.  i have met some terrific people through trying to grow my business.
  15. visiting my family, there is nothing more important to me than traveling to see my family.  i plan to do more of that.
Categories: to do lists Tags: , ,
%d bloggers like this: