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my steps to independence and freedom… okay that’s a lot to swallow… probably more like… where do i go from here?

February 13, 2013 Leave a comment

i was thinking… if i’m going to embark on this new journey called life without children at home… then maybe i should put some goals on a list… or maybe, maybe i should at least have some sort of direction…

here goes…

step 1 – move to Parkville to be closer to Atchison and back into my old rental at 6th & Main that i love… for me.
step 2 – plant a garden, vegetable & flowers
step 3 – become somewhat handy… nearly impossible!
step 4 – clear up debt issues; fresh start
amex/shawn/student loans/bankruptcy

things to accomplish…
– debt-free aside from car
– involved in my community
– volunteering regularly with organizations that i’m passionate about
– quality time with joshua
– church on the regular
– spending quality time with friends

career change? maybe… let’s just keep these bumping around like they have been… who knows where this nearly-empty-nester will end up. the avg person changes careers 3 times in their life… and i’ve been doing accounting for 15+ yrs… maybe one day… i won’t.
1. flight attendant
2. wedding planner
3. cafe business owner

a little exciting… a little scary… definitely completely new to me. who decides what i do on the daily? me… just me, that’s who. :/

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i envision this… is how my life could be 2013

December 8, 2012 Leave a comment

here i am… on the brink of discovery.  the brink of a new year.  better financial positioning.  smaller family at home.  more freedom.  more options.

i’m going to live small.  eliminate payments.  let go of the debt that i accumulated in all of the years of my struggle.  i want to be free of all of this.  bankruptcy… it’s not an easy choice but it’s my next move.  i have to.

this is what i look forward to enjoying this yr:

a trip a month.

a hobby. travel. dance lessons. trip(s) abroad. more devoted in my faith, involved in the salvation army. getting josh on track with athletic activities. savings setup (goal: 10k).

places on my list this yr:

Colorado Springs, CO, visit Amanda… maybe (spring)

Phoenix, AZ, visit Adrian (spring)

Atlanta, GA, visit Jillian (spring)

Los Angeles,CA, visit stepdad (summer)

Brodheadsville, PA, visit Christopher’s family (summer)

Canada, bf’s family annual trip (summer)

Dallas, TX, visit Tim & family (fall)

Jacksonville, AR, visit grandma & Beth/Vince (fall)

Lombard, IL, visit aunt & uncle/fave cousin (winter)

i want to take salsa & swing dancing lessons. i want to go on foodspotting trips.  i want to go on winery tours.  i want to visit my friend Dave in Toronto.

my key words this year are: stay.  stay in this shitty city that i hate because it’s best for Josh. explore.  do what i want for myself.  for once, i’ll enjoy some selfish wants. volunteer.  do for others.  i love it. i need it.  i used to make it a priority.

live better.  love easier.  grow farther.

tomorrow… the trip begins :)

August 16, 2012 Leave a comment

tomorrow… i leave for a road trip with him.  my fave thing to do… and i get it exclusively with my favorite person in the world, excluding my children of course.

we have a busy week.  i have to work nearly every day…. but i will not take for granted the nights that we share.  i’m so excited to take this break from responsibility… i wish i could afford to go a little crazy…

on the list:

maryland crabs, his family cookout, six flags (terrifying roller coasters), jersey shore, camping, philly cheese steaks, NYC on a Fri night, delicious steak at Keen’s, a wedding… then home.

i’d say that’s enough.  i can’t wait to get going!  i wish i’d won the powerball so that i could have some silly spending money.  NYC on a budget of $50?  ick… that doesn’t work.  that’s okay.  i get paid Fri but i only still have less than $100 of expendable cash after bills.  oh well, someday i’ll come back… and i’ll really explore the way i’d like…. for now i’ll call it a sampling of my future travels. :)

i’m meeting his family.  i’m a little nervous.  mom’s don’t tend to realize how awesome i am right away.  but maybe she will.  hopefully, i love her.  i have this little void in my heart where my mom used to fit.  i’d love to fill that spot with a backup.  maybe this isn’t permanent, who knows… but i could really use a momma.  sometimes, it’d be really nice.  i really miss our late night chats.  hot tea and conversation.  honestly, a real friend would be nice.  like a girl, you know.  just someone that i can just depend on because they’re supposed to. because they want to.  because there’s nothing more important.

yeah, i’d say i’m a little broken, dismantled, in a disarray because of my past.  there’s just been a lot of turmoil in my life.  a huge mess.  a ton of crazy stuff that has been a lot to deal with… but i’ve made it through.  i’m pretty well-rounded, really.  it’s gonna be great.   i can’t wait!

Categories: my life Tags: , ,

things i want to do… and places i’d like to visit

things i want to do… and places i’d like to visit… to be revised regularly… :)

  • skydive
  • parasail
  • cooking classes
  • hiking excursions
  • mark up a map of all the places i’ve been, places to visit, abroad travels that i’d like
  • wine club membership
  • visit big name wineries in CA or other well-known places
  • explore the mountains
  • visit the 7 wonders
  • grand canyon
  • niagra falls
  • learn spanish and french (again) to speak fluently so i can travel abroad without worry
  • invest in a timeshare (maybe disney vacation club)

i’ll think of more later… time to get my work on…

things that i like to do…

things that i like to do… to be revised regularly.

  1. movies, i like to watch movies… a lot
  2. walk, i love long walks… beach or no beach
  3. bowling, i love stupid bowling.  one of my fave pasttimes with kelly was our bowling nights with friends.
  4. dance my face off, i’m a lil out of practice but i LOVE dancing nights.  i can’t get enough.
  5. traveling, i’m a travel fanatic.  i will travel more this year.  i love it!  once a month is going to happen for me.
  6. listening to music, with him or without. but i’ve grown quite fond of our siriusly Sinatra in the background while he cooks for/with me.
  7. coffee dates
  8. wine tastings, i’m not a connoisseur but i love wine… and trying new things.
  9. theatre in the park, i love a good play with family and friends
  10. hiking, i love exploring our country… maybe i’ll expand that to abroad once i get my feet wet seeing more of our country.
  11. outdoor adventure, i’m up for anything.
  12. running/jogging, once i get on my feet financially, i’ll be participating in 5Ks on a regular basis.
  13. bicycling, i haven’t started because i can never justify buying a bike… but soon i will.
  14. networking, as much as it wasn’t easy at first, i’ve grown to really appreciate networking.  i have met some terrific people through trying to grow my business.
  15. visiting my family, there is nothing more important to me than traveling to see my family.  i plan to do more of that.
Categories: to do lists Tags: , ,

less than a month… i feel… renewed… rejuvenated

i’m almost there… what will i do with this newfound freedom? work harder, create a new list of personal goals, enjoy things, travel, put family first work second, do what i love every single second.
that’s what i’ll do… sounds crazy that i’ve really spent the past 4 yrs just making it through… just pushing past every paycheck… to the next. deciding… hmmm. what will we not be able to afford with this one. finally free of that stress.
file bankruptcy. that’s #1 on my list. end this. i want a phone number free of collection calls, i want decent credit that i’ve now destroyed.
i don’t regret a single thing… but i won’t mind walking away from all of this. i’m a microsecond away from a heart attack, i’m sure of it.
i want to go to games with my son. i want to enjoy brunch with my family on Sunday mornings. i want coffee in the morning on a patio. i want to run with my puppy free of worry.
these are my dreams. normal, everyday life. that’s what i need. no more pressure. no more stress. a smarter start.

today… an all new outlook. well, maybe it’s the same… just a little more clearly defined.

I took today off of work.  because I needed the day.  I needed to gather my thoughts.  Correct my attitude and face this head on working on my goals. I know I’m a positive person.  I’m strong.  I just need to go back to my start.  When this all began.  Who am I?  What makes me content?  What keeps me moving forward?  I need to stop thinking that I may run my car into a tree… because it’s starting to sound reasonable to me.  It’s causing me to lose my focus and it’s affecting my family.

So, today… I took the day off at work.  I made my son and I pancakes with what we had to cook.  I made coffee.  I sat on the patio.  Then, off to the library.  I need to be inspired. I want to read about others that want to go further.  Do big things.  Or maybe have done them with opposition not far behind them.  I want to read about women who really just did it.  Just really pushed through and got ahead.  I’m not looking to advance at work… I’m just looking to become a leader.  To do something with my life.  Something that I’m proud of.  Keep my family on track.  Be someone active in my community.  I’m working on it.  I know I can do it.  I will. 

So, here we go… wish me luck. 

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